This note has been inspired among other things by rl, and if I may I would say I'm writing this note on her behalf (note the difference in tone/narration).
It hurts that I'm upset with you. It hurts that I'm no longer happy. It hurts to think that I want more, when I already know I'm so blessed. Under normal circumstances, if a person is making you frustrated you're simply frustrated at them. In these cases, every time you trigger frustration I get more frustrated at myself. I get frustrated at myself for being frustrated at you because I know those "reasons" you frustrate me are not valid at all, and more often than not- it's not even your fault. This makes me madder and it makes me sad. When you try to make things better the guilt just accumulates. It hurts even more because it further proves how great you are. I know I should be happy and if even out of politeness I should smile and probably I will so that you will never know inside I'm even more shattered than before. Before a simple apology would make us Romeo and Juliet again, but now it's almost as though the more you do for me the further I feel myself drift from you because I've come to realize those things that bug me, those things I long for deep down inside, how I truly feel about you- it won't change.
It hurts that I'm upset with you. It hurts that I'm no longer happy. It hurts to think that I want more, when I already know I'm so blessed. Under normal circumstances, if a person is making you frustrated you're simply frustrated at them. In these cases, every time you trigger frustration I get more frustrated at myself. I get frustrated at myself for being frustrated at you because I know those "reasons" you frustrate me are not valid at all, and more often than not- it's not even your fault. This makes me madder and it makes me sad. When you try to make things better the guilt just accumulates. It hurts even more because it further proves how great you are. I know I should be happy and if even out of politeness I should smile and probably I will so that you will never know inside I'm even more shattered than before. Before a simple apology would make us Romeo and Juliet again, but now it's almost as though the more you do for me the further I feel myself drift from you because I've come to realize those things that bug me, those things I long for deep down inside, how I truly feel about you- it won't change.
So it depresses me that you've given me the world and I just want to turn away.
It depresses me to know I can't return what you've done and how you feel about me and be the person you deserve.
It depresses me to know I don't have the courage to be fair to you and walk away.
And so we go in circles. Me happy, me sad. I'm satisfied, then not. You just there, always just dealing with it, probably even more hurt and confused. Sometimes I really do believe, believe in you and me.
It depresses me to know I can't return what you've done and how you feel about me and be the person you deserve.
It depresses me to know I don't have the courage to be fair to you and walk away.
And so we go in circles. Me happy, me sad. I'm satisfied, then not. You just there, always just dealing with it, probably even more hurt and confused. Sometimes I really do believe, believe in you and me.
After all this back and forth though, maybe...maybe what really hurts is to know that I'm lying to myself.
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Ha, I can't believe I actually wrote and posted this...I wish blogs would let us tag people.
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Ha, I can't believe I actually wrote and posted this...I wish blogs would let us tag people.
LOL , love it:)
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