Queen's

my Queen's.

I officially accepted my offer to Queen's Commerce.

Surreal.
Freedom.
Joy.
.
.
.
BROKE.

Behind each achievement

is the person(s) that "made it happen" and the people that made it possible for the"person that 'made it happen' to make it happen.

If anyone is under the misconception that I "juggle" a lot, well allow me to assure you that my "support team" is far more superior. From wake up calls at 3 in the morning, wake up calls to go to school, telephone conversations that allow me to vent the ups and downs, emergency homework help, to accepting my busy schedule, understanding when I flop on you due to commitments x,y, and z, knowing I mean the uttermost sincerity when my attitude and tone suggests otherwise, to doing countless favours and sometimes..sometimes, these dear family and friends just end up living my life with me- whether it's through listening to me talk (and usually stress out) about it or actually/physically get involved because I somehow dragged them, pressured them or simply volunteered them into it as well.

Yuppers, so if you fall into any of the above mentioned categories please let me take this opportunity to formally thank you. You guys are the best for sticking around this flawed me. I can only hope that I can return your kindness in time (if I have not already) by proving that I can be the friend that you were for me, and more- because you sure as hell deserve it.

As we go on

others may get left behind.

I have a MP3 phone that has speakers. For maybe almost the last half of the year I had the song: Graduation by Vitamin C on it. Every time that song came up while on shuffle I kind of skipped to the next song. Not only was it competing with the latest mainstream song, the song just didn't really mean anything then. It was just the good 'ol graduation song.

Two days ago the song came on again. One third into the song I kind of realized I was listening to the graduation song and started to actually listen to the lyrics. And it kind of just clicked. I picked up my phone and started the song again. This time the music itself sounded a bit more appealing. This time I listened to the lyrics and mentally tried to replace "brainy Bobby" and "Heather" with individuals from our school. This time, I can relate to the song because I guess we're all starting to ask those same questions. Will we get the big jobs? Will our jokes still be funny? Will we survive it out there?

This is it, we drawing close to the end- and in another sense the game's just starting now.

p.s. Would you not agree that the graduation song only truly affects us, without question, on graduation night and that period of time around graduation? Do you realize how much we'll all be embracing this song and each other when the time comes? When the time comes, know I won't even bother trying to hold back the tears.

Guess

we sometimes knowingly let others learn the hard way.

I guess what I was trying to convey in the last post is that greatness doesn't come from nothing. If you want to receive something 99.9% of the time you have you offer something in return. In ideal situations what you offer should be proportional to what you should receive back, but it's obviously not the case. But, I think those that are willing to give without hesitation again and again, not looking for any redemption, those individuals make it to my short list of people to be respected. And, I think many others will (in time) recognize these people for their true worth.

Wayne Gretzky did not just tie up his skates for the first time and expected to fly across the ice.
Michael Jackson did not just walk and stage and expect to wing a concert.
Donald Trump did not become rich sleeping every night at 10.

.
.
.


Do you get the idea? I hope you do, cause it's taking too long to think of more examples. Homework calls.

Of course it'll be a fallacy to assume everyone strives for greatness. I guess, for those aspiring few know that it takes great sacrifice. But also know it'll be worth it, whether you'll benefit from it yourself or have the satisfaction of completing a good deed. Finally, know that push you towards greatness are usually a great character themselves.

It takes great character

to put others first.

We owe ourselves and our bodies the obligation to take care of ourselves. It is true, in a sense, no other person can care for you better than you can, because (minus the doctors that might have great knowledge of the human anatomy) there is no other person that knows your body, character and what you want and think inside better. When you don't even love yourself, how can you expect others to fulfill that responsibility? Why should we waste our time to repeatedly try to heal something that will watch themselves fall apart as soon as we step back? How can we express sincerity despite rudeness in return? Who are these people that are willing to put others before themselves at the expense of their self interest?

These are people of great character, that will go on to do great things, and if life is fair- as I believe it is- will have greatness one day returned back to them.

That friend who will ultimately never give up and watch their friends fall.
That parent that will do anything to provide the best for their children.
That teacher that will give up their mornings, lunches, afterschools- and stand up to their superiors and colleagues for their students.

That volunteer who will give up countless hours raising money for people across the globe.

That leader who will put off their big academic assignments till the wee hours of the night in order to first fulfill their extracurricular responsibilities.

That lover who knows all your flaws, but will love you for just the way you are.

These are the people that will stand out in life. These are the people that should be admired. And when these type of people are in your life, remember to thank and treasure them.


-there's a second part i want to write .. but FIRST DRIVING LESSON right now! If you're on the sidewalks right now..word of advise... GET OFF!

I've learn how to

blush.

Until the last 2 years or so I can honestly say I don't know what it feels like to blush. I won't bother trying to deny that I've never blushed as a growing child, but I guess when I did I can never tell myself. In recent years I experienced my first feeling of having a wave of heat flush onto my cheeks with great velocity. Without exaggeration I swear the actual temperature of my cheeks pumped up severe degrees in a matter of seconds. Without looking I can just SEE how my cheeks are rogue. It doesn't come often. Sometimes it won't even be a situation that is embarrassing, that makes me nervous or where I am shy. I think it happens more when you catch me off guard. If you're intentionally trying to make me nervous or blush... for those that have been around I think you would agree that I am not easily intimidated or embarrassed.

Today I was sitting at my desk, thinking, "What have I learned so far in my respective courses?" Economics, definitely learned a lot. Law, can't deny I've learned the basic fundamentals of international law. English... Hm.... What kind of assignments have I completed so far...writing..I've learn to write? But I already "knew" how to write. I learned how to write a better essay?... maybe I got more practise with my writing but the pointers I've more or less heard of all before. Ah ha! I learned how to write a comparative essay cause that's by summative project... oh my god. I don't know how to write a good comparative essay. Not yet at least. Well if I haven't written it yet I don't know if I can do a good job with it or not. And at the exact moment it clicked. I was alone in my room, at my desk, thinking to myself, starring out of the window in front of my desk and my face started to burn. I felt the colour rush to my cheeks. I made myself blush (like blush, blush. I couldn't believe it. I actually went to go look in my mirror to see those pink cheeks and my hands flew up to my face to assure the raising face temperature) realizing how much work I must complete in a little more than a week. I must do a good job (its wrapping up to the end..and I'm afraid I'm going to fall below the program and scholarship cutoff with good reason) and without going into whether or not I have the abilities to submit a good piece of writing I KNOW there needs to be HUGE CHUCKS of time set aside to just complete the bare minimum for the projects. And lately, I've been extremely ill-productive, if that's a word. Time is not in my favour. Actually, in the end, don't you think time is never in our favour?

This woman is not for you

and that's what causes your shabby behaviour

According to Grey's Anatomy we are sometimes mean to the ones we love. Well.... I guess I'm actually not up to type up the long philosophical debate on what's meant to be and what's not meant to be. Let's instead talk about this evenings' craving for food. At about 9pm (when I'm supposed to stop eatting for the night) I was going to grab a bite but noticed the time and didn't really let myself indulge. In the next hours I had the every so often desire to go gobble something down to my lonely stomach, but I've resisted thanks to jk's insistence on the phone and the thought that I already owe rs one Arizona for the last 3 consecutive nights of missing the deadline. Then my mother decides to call father to tell him to bring home food to celebrate the brother's birthday. So home came fried chicken, spare ribs and rice. So down goes these satisfying (not so delightful in hindsight) food a little after midnight. I guess a healthy body is not for me. I guess those jeans and I are no longer meant to be. And that nice shirt and I will never be again (at least not in without a baggy sweater on top). Yes stomach, you and I are not cool with each other and that would explain my shabby behaviour to you- sorry body for the extra layer of fat clinging onto you... I guess you're like the innocent child in this broken home between stomach and I (or at least that's how Ellie would explain it).

http://www.thestar.com/living/article/795321--ellie-if-you-can-t-change-your-ways-leave

Homework

what's that?

So I really should be doing my homework. I need a cup of coffee. I need to stay up. OR I can lie in my bed, my beautiful bed. The soft blanket against my cheeks. The way my pillow just cushions my neck. The way I just mold into the mattress and blanket. My bed is my serenity. My eyes just want to shut tight. My spine don't want to hold my weight up anymore.

NO.

I MUST DO MY HOMEWORK! ... oh god, my eyes are heavy!

I've been so lazy and just letting myself sleep that it's only 10:48 but I feel like its 3 in the morning. How did I EVER manage to stay up till 6 in the morning last week? I guess I can't blame y'all for calling me crazy..

----------------------------------------------------

se·ren·i·ty

   [suh-ren-i-tee] Show IPA

–noun,plural-ties for 2.

1.

the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil; sereneness.

2.

(usually initial capital letter) a title of honor, respect, or reverence, used in speaking of or to certain members of royalty (usually prec. by his, your, etc.).

What I'll always remember about London...

the smell of horse poo along the highway

Things I've learned today:

1. Don't ever try to read economics homework while in the car on the highway...
2. The only thing to DO on the highway is sleep.
3. Western is pretty.

4. Contrary to popular belief, there are asians at Western (and Koreans...)
5. Why our health system is so expensive.
6. Don't trust echocardiograms from Chinatown.
8. I need exercise.
9. I must really trust you if I give you the password to my hotmail. (yes, you are the best)

10. Don't have a Subway sandwich with onions before an interview. (or just remember to chew gum).

I know you'll read this

that is why I write what I write...

The title is totally ambiguous. Trust me, you'll probably all read this and think...hmm..is she referring to me? I guess in a sense I do have you guys in mind as a write- so at one point or another my title is true and JUST pertaining to you. At the same time, there might be people like you, who follows my blog and I don't even know it... This is the exact mentality that horoscopes have.

Anyways, I have not blogged for awhile. Saturday's trip to Kingston's was absolutely amazing. Not so much because of the campus or the buffet lunch, but it was the bus ride home with friends (that I do not normally get to spend time with outside of school) that made it the best Saturday in (I'm pretty sure I won't be exaggerating when I say) a year or two. Yesterday, I have reaffirmed my love for taking naps in my room during bright weekend afternoons. And this morning, life just plummeted. Dramatic I agree, but as the day progressed I just became more and more frustrated... well let's be frank here, I was just pissed off.

Really, I'm more pissed off at myself than anything. I was so bitter on the way to work. I had a chance to see wq and just that helped sparkle some droplets on my flames. I decided to "use" the kids to turn my day around. Work's funny in this way. I either have a really good day then go to work and leave the shift angry and with a sore throat from telling the kids' to quiet down and work OR I would go to work upset and have the kids' smiles turn my day around. When you work with kids you feel obligated to be happy, well it's easier and tends to naturally to work out that way. It's days like today that tells me: this is why you work with kids. To be fair the good days with my class and the bad days with my class- it really depends how I decide to make that class. Do I give them a pencil and paper and just tell them to write? Or, do I read to them and facilitate an engaging and informative discussion? The latter is what I did today. I asked them what THEY want to do for the remaining 5 classes. I suggested that I take them out to the playground if they behaved well all class. I chatted with them casually like they were my friends and not 7 year olds. I got everyone involved and speaking, they learned new things (about reading and writing not my life), and it was fun- for all of us. That's what I realized is most important. To read to them more (because their families don't really do so at home) and have reading naturally appeal to them. If it's one simple advice I can give to kids' academics: it would be...READ READ READ, FALL IN LOVE WITH READING.

Life, and the source to my frustration is no different from a day at work. It's how I make it. I more or less what's bugging me (at least I think I do) and I am going to try to change it so that I am content with what I do and proud of the decisions I make regarding the use of my time. Yep, that's exactly it. Lately, I've been more disappointed than proud of myself. Yes, I know life has those ups and downs. Yes, I know I've had very happy moments despite my current dissatisfied opinion of the last couple of weeks..or months? Yes, I know I tend to exaggerate my daily ups and downs... but hey I'm just saying- this is sincerely how I feel at the moment.

And to bring myself back on track I would need to spend less time blogging and on the computer doing all this... crap. Maybe this will be a brief farewell. Let's call it a 'break' shall we? On the bright side, if you know I'm not blogging hopefully I'm spending the time on more productive endeavorers that's making me happy. I still love reading all of your blogs though! So please don't stop! Like tt said, "It's depressing when you check your dashboard and nobody had wrote a new blog."

p.s. Yesterday I made the following analogy to jk: There will always be ups and downs, but we can't get overly absorbed with the fluctuation. Like the stock market there are ups and downs everyday, but the long-term investors are the ones that profit. I think I was referring to relationships? As long as amid all the mild road bumps you're happy and satisfied in the long run.

This also applies to the theme of my blog today. I always have these days, but in the long run I think I'm getting happier with time. I have definitely have things to be grateful for, and when I find the time to not be so busy maybe I'll sit down, reflect and be proud of some of the things I'm doing. I'll like to THINK I'm "humble" but how humble am I really when I'm "bragging" about being humble? bg says I'm not humble... I was going to ask you your opinion but...I don't know if I'm dying to know... I mean, what difference would it make? I've learned people's (firm) perceptions of me were established looooong time ago.

Well, ciao amigo.

In Nike's Words

just do it

In the last months or so I feel I have become rather unfocused as a student, unproductive as an individual and plain out scattered as a human being.

It is true. In your senior years you get far less "homework", but you get (major) assessments. They might not necessarily be more difficult, but they do require a fair amount of time investment. Since there are less assessments, each assignment through-out the year accounts to much more of your final grade. I believe this is a big reason why myself, and I believe other students, spend more time and ensure these pieces of work are of better quality. This year I've had two major crunch phases. One was in the last three weeks of January and I've just finished one in these last three weeks. This is when all my seven courses simultaneously announce a buildup of major assessments- unit test, writing briefs, essays, writing folders, etc... The teachers announce the evaluations at around the same time and the assignment due dates are relatively close as well.

These crunch sessions in in essence entails me staying up till the 4-5 in the morning working. For example, in the last 2 weeks I've been up, awake and word processing, at 5am more like 5 times. (I am also not really the type of person to come straight home nap for six hours and them claim proudly, "I've been up all night.") I have a compulsion to put food in my mouth to keep focused and awake as I study so these crunch periods are also characterized as me feeling plain fat. I actually enjoy working between 12-6am at home because it's so quiet and peaceful. I just need to put on virgin radio and I am pretty much content. What have started to annoy me is at about 5:30am when the "Morning Rush" comes on and there's this annoying person that starts the show with: "salute salute." The annoyance probably arises from a combination of the person's obnoxious voice and the fact that I have once again stayed awake long enough to hear the morning show start.

There is no denying the fact that all my courses actually had a major assessment, but I'm sure I could have better managed my time to have avoided staying up till 6am night after night. This recent crunch is taking a fair toll on my physical body and I think the signals my body is giving me is further encouragement to refocus and become organized again to avoid another cramming session. (Oh yeah, today I totally bombed my calculus test- so that I guess is another motivating factor to refocus). So here, by announcing publicly my intentions to refocus I hope it will make myself feel more compelled to follow through. I've told myself to refocus last week, I agreed with myself to refocus the week before that, and I've made agreements to settle down to end the year strong weeks before that, but evidently it didn't really work out. My intentions to exercise and follow a healthier diet (and no, I'm not being the typical teenager by saying I need to lose weight- but this is sincerely for better overall health as recommended by my doctor) have been equally unsuccessful.

This year, I know there has been less academic assessments in terms of quantity and compared to previous years I am less spread out in terms of extra-cirrcular involvement, BUT still I have been so broke in terms of time! It's comprehensible as to where all my time went!! I've even quit my weekend job and I'm busier than before! I'll admit that math homework is consistently demanding, business club takes up a core section of my efforts (though as I reflect I really can't list off that many accomplishments to date) and Super Council takes up a lot of evening hours. I've noticed that I am rarely home before 7. I'm running from quadrant meetings, executive meetings, doctor appointments and just plain staying after school at school to finish club stuff. I guess university application editing also took up a lot of after school time. I guess it's true: the more you have to do the more time you'll make for it.

I have found myself reflecting and longing for the regularity in my school nights in specifically grades 10 and 11. Get home, relax, have dinner and then after dinner I would homework on the cleared dinner table. Homework was more or less a daily 1.5-3 hours. Basically every night I was in bed by 10/11 and fell asleep on the phone with bl. Back then I could actually afford the time to regularly chat on the phone and hang out at other people's houses. Last year, even with Winter Activity Day and the school play, which were very demanding projects and 3 science courses I managed before consistent bedtimes before midnight. Staying up till 2am was rare and now being up at 5am is practically the norm. Especially when preparing for the school play I was home by like 8 almost nightly but everything felt manageable. It wasn't that stressful, especially compared to the definitions of stress from this year and I enjoyed everything I pursued. Nowadays, I am rarely emotionally sober and is losing plain enthusiasm for things that once gave me reasons to get up in the morning. (figuratively speaking?)

I want to go back to sitting down nightly and just completely the nightly homework.

I want to be able to be in bed before midnight.

I want to come home right after school.

I want to enjoy learning again.

I want to be driven to get involved, just for the sake of making a difference.

I want to have had enough sleep to wake up early enough to walk to school.

I want to just come onto the computer for the word processing program.

I want to read books for leisure once again.

I want to have no need to watch what I stuff in my mouth.

I want to not feel like I need to exercise because my clothes are telling me I need to.

I want to remember how it feels to just chill carefree at school with friends.

I want to bring about results- instead of just wishing for all these things.

I want to be able to put myself first, and have a life beyond fulfilling my responsibilities in the school system.

So in short, if you're reading this you are likely a part of my life and I hope you would help me with these goals. I guess I should end with a list of things I want to accomplish and ways you can help me:

1. Stop stuffing my face with unnecessary food out of boredom (especially at night): If you see me eating junk at school tell me to stop. Don't let me resort to fast food. Every time I eat after 9pm rs will receive a can of Arizona as my will power police.

2. Exercise: (I've realized that I need to set SPECIFIC commitments for me to follow through). Morning jog Wednesdays during late open. Saturday morning jog. Nightly repetitions: wl this ones all you...

3. No more late nights: I was going to say something like, "aim to be in bed by midnight" but I guess goals are more achievable when they're more reasonable and realistic. Since I'm up usually completing homework I am going to commit to setting a personal deadline for all my assignments 3 school days earlier than the actual due date. This will help with time management, help avoid late night, well actually it's early a.m cramming, and hopefully improve my overall assignment qualities. Hm...al (and maybe rl) I think you should help me with this one since we're so well aware of each others' academic agendas.

4. Become more efficient with my time: This will require completing tasks faster and avoiding time wasters like moping, browsing the internet, talking excessively on the phone etc... Ha, this will mean less time should be spent blogging! (I have been writing this note for about an hour now). More efficient time use will allow me to slowly start tackling all those other things I want to do in my life. jk this ones for you girl! Scold me for wasting time instead of giving me good reasons to waste my time on!

It's time to take action and get things done instead of thinking of it, dreading it and wishing for more time, that things were different and that this stage of our lives would be over already. If you want to do something, just do it instead of contemplating. Chances are, by the time you're done contemplating you could have completed the original task already.

In Hedley's Words

the show must go

And my show will go on with or without you. We will all realize this sooner or later in our lives. For all those that sincerely believe life can't possibly go on and that you won't survive without a certain individual, if something doesn't work out or if you don't pass that calculus test, well you'll learn that life goes on. You will reflect with hindsight that almost not making it made you a stronger person. Maybe you'll laugh at your innocence. Maybe you'll giggle at your fears. Maybe you'll roll your eyes for thinking that was it. But at that moment in time that was truly what you believed given the circumstances. Just like how if someone tells you, "________ forever," at that moment they probably believed it could be, would be and should be forever...but we don't have control of something that hasn't happened yet. So when one day "forever" ends, your show will go on and in time you'll realize you can't really hold them to their promises of forever. Habits are hard to establish and even harder to keep (at least for me), as you should have noticed if you've been keeping up with my blogs. Things change, and though I could probably (if I wanted) hold onto my promises of forever it'll be under different circumstances. I've paid for my tuition and learned my lesson(s). I now see forever in a more light-hearted sense with an undefined, but existing time limit. I guess I try to refrain from making promises that would extend into the future; where anything can happen. So if I promise to make the next business club fundraiser a success (depending on your knowledge and trust in my character) you will probably believe me, as I guess you should. If I however accidentally slip out: "I will owe you forever," I would advise you to maybe think twice before settling down with comfort from such a statement. Mind you, its not that I don't believe in forever (necessarily) or doubt that I could hold onto a promise forever, but you know- odds are against it. I will promise to forever be your best friend, and admire and cherish you - just I won't necessarily be the one that's always by your side.

No, az is not going through a life crisis. She has just been listening to the song Perfect by Hedley. She thinks its a really beautiful and catchy song. Roughly half (well now its) an hour ago she decided to youtube the song and start singing to it. Singing required her to read the lyrics and she realized that she's doesn't agree with the lyrics...and that they are actually somewhat foolish, but that's just her opinion. It's still an awesome song to listen to and to sing though!

***********************************

Excerpt of az's commentary to the song:

"I just know we can't be over, I can see it in your eyes."
well it is over, and there's nothing left in their eyes

"I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
' cause that's what I said I would do from the start.

I am not alive if I'm lonely
so please don't leave me."
can't you just guess what I'm going to say? Here goes: striving for perfection causes more harm than any success it would likely bring- cause perfection doesn't exist honey. I really don't think you can keep your words from "the start" (reference above please). You may be lonely, but you're breathing my friend- and that's soemthing to be thankful for..and really in time you'll learn to be thankful that they left you too because sometimes good things leave so better things can replace it. Yeah, yeah, I'm not appreciating the artistic feelings from the song, but you know what I'm saying is true....

********************************

And my show will go on with or without you. whether I leave for university or not, whether I finish school or not, whether I'm pretty or fat, healthy or sick, rich or poor, with supportive family or not, with friends or in solitude. (I thought these last phrases might be too much...I'm really not that emotional right now...) Whether life is a constant battle or a stroll through the park, life goes on.

p.s. I know you'll never see this but: life's better when you stay out of it, so stay out of it & it's so funny... cause you KNOW word will come back 'round to me.

Mind over matter

is about as true as friends over homework

I will let you in on a secret. For those that are around me a lot, I don't know if you've noticed but I've been mentioning the post-high school era a lot- with references to Queens (I actually haven't formally decided), university, living on my own, the parties, the guys, the freedom, questioning how things will change here in hometown while I'm gone, rhetorically asking how you'll be like when I'm gone (like I think I've asked my brother today, hmm...what are you going to do when I move out like 2 times this long weekend alone), etc...

Well it's pretty much all a show. You know how everybody have habits that come out when they're nervous? Well, bringing up this topic casually and so frequently is in reality my nervousness and insecurities perking up. It's my way of making it seem more tangible, as though if I talk about it enough it'll become reality and/or ease the departure for you and for me...but I think each time I bring it up certain people in my life chirp in on the conversation but flinches on the inside? Well, I guess reality is parts of me are flinching too, and will continue flinching no matter how many times I bring it up again.

I'm tempted to accept on OUAC just to get it over with already...

The train chants:

yes I can, yes I can, oh yes I can...

az is somewhat stuck on the second body paragraph. She has spent ample thinking about this essay. Her research should be sufficient. She knows exactly what she wants to say, but it just needs to magically formulate together perfectly...and the formulating part is making her nervous. The pressure of saying it "right" is enough to make her procrastinate...actually the truth is, the original reason I have been pushing this assignment so back and avoiding it at all costs is because I am intimidated. I am intimidated by the assignment, by the teacher and by my substandard English proficiency.

I will not let it dread on for any longer. I will not let it take-over my life anymore... Alas, I am ready to finish this paper. I shall finish this (well, really I have no choice) and I hope you will be satisfied with it, because I've pretty much given it all I've got.

My waistline

can not afford to complete another academic evaluation

It's somewhere in the five in the morning mark and az strikes again. I am proud to announce the completion of the introductory and first body paragraph of my economic essay. All in about over five hours work and somewhere along the way: two cups of steep tea, one orange, a dozen fuzzy peach rings, one bottle of water, one salad with Italian dressing, one yogourt, and the next thing I find in my fridge. Yes, I am aware of the, "It's bad to eat before sleeping," theory but I'm not about to go to sleep anytime soon right? And since I'm on a roll with the whole in denial thing: I'm sure moving my fingertips MUST burn a fair amount of calories, walking to the washroom should be considered exercise...oh and let's not forget the long trek UP the stairs to the kitchen in search of more food...

Yesterday my mom officially acknowledged my compulsive need to be munching on something while studying. She claims that when I move out I will no longer have access to "munchies" and will consequently lose weight...Ha! The woman's funny. I have every intention to have my complete meal plan and my regular "brain food" grocery lists for the dorm.

Good days

comes with doing nothing

Today was a good day. The weather was warm enough, but not as sunny as I was anticipating. I wanted to wear my new little black dress today, but we had plans to go play pool so the little black dress was actually a bit too little to play pool in and according to jk a little too black for such a summer like day. I ended up wearing blue. It wasn't happy walking out the door with the outfit, but I was already late so I couldn't go back and change. I was late kinda anyways. jk and ew were waiting outside the station and I don't think they were there for that long. wl on the other hand waited like 20 minutes inside the station. Oops. I promise I'll make an effort to not be 1/2 hour late every time we go out...hehe.

Anyways, I had plans to chill with jl and that crowd since March Break. For the last day/ week we all decided to chill, but we had no idea what to do! jl actually flopped on us last minute, but at the end of the day we all actually met up downtown. I actually did a lot of things today, but to prevent this blog from turning into some stalker guide I'm not going to list my day's whereabouts.

What I noticed today is that it really doesn't matter what you're doing, it's the people you're doing it with. We were all somewhat stressing out because we're all confused as to what we could do, but when we finally all meet up it was all good! fl was there so of course we all laughing and joking around. fl brought his little brother, he's the cutest thing ever! I think the best part of the day was after dinner when we were just sitting in Johnny Rocket talking, or when we came back to my house and played Scrabble, or personally for me when we were just scrolling down to College Street after Shoppers. (jk and I had a crazy shoppers day again! We spent $75 so that we would get a $20 gift certificate!)

For me, today was a happy day. I've spent a whole 12 hours out floating among various parts of the city. Today was especially special because I have never felt so part of one whole out under the sun. I'm happy you met my crowd today. I'm happy we're working out.

Caller's Voice

my caller id

I do not have caller id on my cellular phone. For those that are around me a lot you know that already. I must admit (not to sound arrogant or anything) that when I get a missed call I can usually guess who it was. When I pick up the phone, most people just jump right into the conversation and I can tell who it is by their voices. It does get tricky sometimes with the guys though, but for the most part whether its someone who I talk to regularly or someone that calls me every so often their "caller id" is detected as soon as they say, "Hey."

What I guess is funny, or is my confession today is that sometimes I don't know who you are. In such cases I would either ask politely, "May I ask who's speaking please," (some friends find it weird for me to speak so formally, especially to them, but you know in case its someone important I don't go.."who dis" you know?) or just let you talk and then after maybe a couple of seconds it will click as to who you are. If you ask me, "What's up?" it's easy to reply generically without knowing who you are. ie. with, "not much, I'm tired, the usual" Actually, even among "close" friends or speaking to people in person that's how we usually respond. Once I trick you into talking a little more the content and the way you speak lets me figure out who you are.

p.s. Don't you think it's funny when someone starts a phone conversation with, "It's me." Logically, that's the least helpful thing to say...like who's me? Or, I ask you, "May I ask whos speaking?" and you reply with, "you don't know who this is?" Haha.. like if I did I wouldn't ask right... tt and jl have been guilty of the latter crime. =)

Consumption

for the sake of less consumption?

During the winter break I went to Wal-Mart and purchased a large (green) Rubbermaid container. Earlier in the fall I came up with the idea of "packing my life into a box." This was the beginning of when the possibility that I may somehow miraculously end of leaving town for school had a possibility of prevailing. Packing my life away in the box was my way of trying to make this notion more realistic, to push for it little by little for myself. (My parents thinks the box is just for me to store everyday things in).

So I did end up buying the box and packed away what I guess must be my most prized possessions. When I finished packing I was surprised that it was only half full. Most of it consists of school pictures and my personal photo albums. Of course I couldn't pack everything that I valued in it. Afterall, I still have to live in my room/house for at least another 8 months. More importantly I was afraid that if I was to pack it really as though I would leave the next day I might be disappointed. I was afraid to have to experience UNPACKING everything because I did not get accepted into an out of town university or if my parents simply would not letting me leave.

The original idea for the box was half for the purposes of a time capsule and half getting ready to leave. If I was to leave home for school I would like to "leave" everything behind. (My dear friends, please don't take this the wrong way, I basically referring to materialistic things...) I don't expect my family to kind of lock up my bedroom and open it up again in April when I come back for the summer. I also KNOW that they will "clean" my stuff up for me, probably throw things out on my behalf and dump their stuff into my space while I'm gone for their various conveniences. When I leave I want to be able to say, "Mom, everything in my room you can do as you wish with it...just don't touch or open this box." Obviously, the box contains private mementos from my teenage years... It can literally continue sitting in that corner of my room. Haha.. I actually thought of putting tape on it and signing the seal so I would for sure know if it's been open!

Having everything that is important to you in one place has its benefits and fallbacks. If I ever had to escape my house due to an emergency I would be able to grab that box and run out the door. On the other hand, if I lose that one box I would lose everything.

I am a pack rat and also an anti-pack rat. I like keeping certain things: I have all my notes from my high school years. I probably have valentines day cards from classmates from middle school if I looked hard enough. I have on my dresser shelf ticket subs from school plays and other concerts I've attended. However, everything so often I need to cleanse my space. I clean my room and try to throw out as much things as possible. Just "having trash" to clean out frustrates me sometimes. After packing the box there were obviously a lot of things that I'm still keeping, but didn't qualify for the box. Thus, I went into "consumption mode" for the rest of the year. I vowed to not urchase ANYTHING else until I finish everything that is consumable first. With other things I started considering people I can give it to (i.e my books to my cousins) or selling it (thus, my earring entrepreneurial venture).

CLOTHES are the worst! I made a promise to myself at the end of the summer to not purchase a SINGLE article of clothing till the end of the year and I guess I succeeded. On Boxing Day I kind of splurged though... There were definitely temptations along the way, but knowing I didn't make ANOTHER unnecessary purchase made myself feel good. Clothes is like an epidemic in the Western world I think. Walking through the Eaton Center I think: really?! People need this much clothes?! People no longer wear clothes to cover their skin or to keep warm. It's about "keeping up" with the ridiculously paced fashion industry. I think I might write another blog at a later date about this, after what I've learned while doing economic research for my essay. Yes, sometimes I despise clothes...especially when I'm folding it and trying to fit it all into my closet(s), but just during the March Break I brought this cute black dress for NO GOOD REASON! It's more of a personal thing. The guilt of throwing out a perfectly functional article of clothing is just...a bit much? But, I know I would not be wearing it out anytime soon in essence have to need for it...

Now that moving out seems substantially bit more realistic I've noticed that I have not been making adequate efforts to consume! The thought of putting things in order and cleaning out those old lingering goods, thoughts and intentions feels good my friend.

Every second can be a new beginning, if you choose to make it.
Lets cheers to that.

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The dictionary.com word of the day:

slake

\SLAYK\ , verb;

1.

To satisfy; to quench; to extinguish; as, to slake thirst.

2.

To cause to lessen; to make less active or intense; to moderate; as, slaking his anger.

3.

To cause (as lime) to heat and crumble by treatment with water.

Who wouldn't be a doctor

if its like that in the on call rooms

Grey's Anatomy is the first American mainstream TV series I started following. It's the only english speaking drama where I have watched every single episode. At the moment, its the only show I watch both on television and from the internet. At the moment, I am watching last week's episode. In less than three hours this week's episode will come out out! Can you sense my excitement? Those that I have shared my glee from this show with knows to roll their eyes every single time I bring it up, haha yes wl I'm referring to you.

It's hard to believe that less than a year ago I had no idea what Grey's Anatomy was. I barely even knew Grey's Anatomy was a doctor show. Today, if you were to bring out Trivia Pursuit - Grey's Anatomy's Edition, oh the game is..on! I came upon the show accidental. I have a television in my room that has one channel- CTV. My family kind of just threw it in there because they have no where else to dump it. I rarely turned on that piece of electronic, but that night I did. It was the season five finale (or maybe the week before the finale). For those that have watched it, you will likely recall how intense it was! For those that do not follow the show, believe me when I say 99% of the shows leave you jaw dropped, gripping the sofa arm, and wishing for your own handsome intern to flirt with - figuratively speaking of course! So that night I watched the rest of two hour episode. Even with no idea about who the characters were, the plot, or the show I was so absorbed into it! It wasn't until at least fifteen minutes of being captivated by the show that I realized that this show must be Grey's Anatomy. I made a note to watch the next week's episode, which was the season finale and that is how I started my committed relationship with Grey's Anatomy. Before Grey's Anatomy I followed the Amazing Race. (I still would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go on that show. I'm personally a somewhat anti-American person, ha.. I hope I didn't just inflict political threat upon myself with that comment, but I would become an American citizen (temporarily) to go on that show!) I ended my fling with the Amazing Race for Grey's Anatomy. Following two TV shows was just too much (yes I realized it's actually a totally of two hours a week...but I couldn't afford that type of commitment).

I love the character Christina Yang! She is so awkward, so competitive, so heartless and yet so emotional in the show. Her drive is amazing and her intelligence is to be envied...though she does have really weird eyebrows.

Doctor Bailey is the lady to watch out for! She is the petite lady in the hospital that everybody is afraid of and respects. She is a workaholic and has lost her family because of it. She said a line that I feel can sum up to be the "story of my life." "I can't do everything, and still expect to have everything." I think any individual that has experienced certain experiences will understand the power in this short simple sentence. I think in time, everyone would be able to relate to Doctor Bailey at that particular moment.

I love the science behind the show! I am so glad I took grade 11 biology. When I'm watching the show I actually know what they are referring to! When I'm at the doctor's office I understand what the doctor is trying to explain to me. When somebody says, "gall bladder" I know what they are talking about! Watching the show keeps giving me the urge to go become a doctor myself, though I kind of know.. I'm not the blood..survive..actually get into medical school type. Being in a hospital makes me want to be a doctor too... well I decided to be more realistic. In the fall I went to Sick Kids and I "decided" that one point in life I want to be a nurse in a children's hospital. Nurses are so high in demand, yet so under-appreciated. They probably spend the most time with the patients; they are the ones that ease those young children when they are carried through the emergency doors....

Yesterday, I was on thestar.com and there was an article on Grey's Anatomy and other doctor shows. The article stated how these shows are giving false impressions of our medical systems yet are beneficial because it exposes the medical system to more people (thus expanding people's general medical knowledge).

Here is the link to the article if you're interested.. and isn't it the darnest thing that those doctor and intern lives is not reality? ;p

http://www.healthzone.ca/health/newsfeatures/article/787835--grey-s-anatomy-house-present-skewed-ethics

I forgot to mention. When I saw that first episode of Grey's Anatomy it was in the end of May. After that episode from TV I turned to the internet and watched the first season (which was 10 episodes) in probably less than a week. I was so hooked! The first season was SO GOOD! However, there was exams and I had 8 exams last year so I forced myself to stop watching it! After exams however, within like 3 weeks in July I watched the next 4 seasons (each season has about 20 episodes and each episode is one hour)! I would come home from an long 8 hour day work at camp and just sit down in front of the computer and watch this amazing amazing show! I was so concerned for my eyes....but it was just sooo good!

Today is a Thursday night and I've already come home, cleaned my room, had jk come over, had the most awesome girl chat with her, watched a whole episode of Grey's Anatomy, and blogged! Maybe today will be a good Thursday. Maybe I would be able to turn all T-days of the week around!

& speaking of good habits...

glee

¹   [glee]

–noun

1.

open delight or pleasure; exultant joy; exultation.

2.

an unaccompanied part song for three or more voices, popular esp. in the 18th century.





ps. Glee in a modern dictionary is also an up and coming TV musical show.