Apology

to myself.

I apologize to the sleep deprviation.
I apologize for the execessive food intakes.
As of recently, I'm extremely regretful of eatting and then flopping into bed for naps, or even the whole night.

I apologize for not acting on my desires, for all those times I have and continue to want to do something just because I want to, but did not take action to make it a reality.
Why I always put other things first I do not know.

I am sorry for all the hateful thoughts that I let slip out of my mouth. I really do not mean to corrupt you into this way of thinking and feeling. I should be better than this.

I know you are disappointed with the ways I left you down. All those times I promise you something...just to default due to my lack of will power. As the words slip out of my mouth I part of me already knows that I won't be able accomplish it.

The worst part is, I think I know myself best...I knew all these things already and I don't have the discipline to knock myself out of the cycle. The worst part is...I don't even know if I regret any of it.