For the record

sometimes at night, before I fall asleep, it still lingers.

Can't wait

the new beginning needs to start now.

So I think a fresh start is much delayed.

I can't afford to wait any longer.

I can't risk anybody someone figuring out the new blog from old links and followers.

So I'll just make another account altogether- when I get the chance.

Interesting that I think blogging will save me loss time from procrastination.

It'll be a place to force myself to be liable to myself.

Comfort thingy

that thing that you always fall back to.

So, is blogging something that I can fall back to when I'm stressed?

Will venting to the internet to an unknown audience bring back some sanity to my life?

Do I sense a reoccuring subliminal theme of trying to rationalize all my thoughts and actions through my blogs?

And by the way, I need to know:

Does anyone actually check this blog anymore? Are there people actually following me? Are you still interested in continuing to read what I have to say? I want to know if you know. Regardless, I don't think I want to continue posting under this blog because I don't know who is seeing this. I think I might actually keep the next one completely to myself, then I can speak my mind.

* please, please, please- let me know your existence in any way!!

I can be my own best friend, through a blog... it's not as bad as it sounds, I think er... hope.

p.s. There really weren't nearly as much struggles as their were bliss. Yes, being with him is rather blissful, but we do have our struggles. You didn't think my title was meaningless did you?

All I want for Christmas

and next Christmas, and the Christmas after that, and...

My previous blog was from midterms just finishing and all of a sudden, today is the last day of classes, bringing to an end my first university semester. It really did go quick. It was challenging I guess, but nothing too unbearable- I mean I'm still here and can "afford" the time to write this blog.

I'm in the laundry room waiting for my clothes to dry. I'm also procrastinating a bit. My second religion essay is due in a week and of course intimidation leads to avoidance. I really just want to finish this essay though, then I can focus and study for finals. I feel like it's all going to go by really quickly. I can't wait to go back to Toronto!

I've talked about living arrangements for next year already. House hunting is so exciting! I can only imagine how much more exhilarating it'll be when you search for a new home with someone you really care about. Let's not even imagine the thrill of purchasing your first home!

I am not going to deny that I really anticipate growing up even more. I can just see others advising me to enjoy my youthful university days when I can- and I am having a very pleasant time here; it's just I can picture even better days ahead. Those upcoming days down the road is more my scene if you know what I mean.

Oh my god! I only have 17 days left and then I'll be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I was supposed to

understand myself best...so I thought.

Midterms were over last week! Since last Thursday I have not accomplished anything academically. So much for vowing to stay ontop of readings and stuff from now on because the midterm cramming was not pretty... I'm so behind. I just read my previous blog post and I laughed a little. Without realizing it, I did not look at my blog until after midterms.. but ironically I'm back on the blog because I am procrastinating once again.

Two days ago I got sick. I laid in bed and watched 8 straight episodes of TVB! My love, TVB! I was right to avoid dramas at all cost.. cause once you start you CANNOT stop! I've been so tempted to start watching again... but I know that if I start I won't be able to stop until another 8 episodes.

The procrastination these last few days have been horrid! I've spent hours on facebook, browsing the internet, doing nothing...

In two hours I am leaving for the QBET conference for the weekend. I have a 15% COMM103 report to write for Wednesday... I'm so screwed!

On another note, back to my heading today...

Sometimes I feel like I'm my own personal psychiatrist who's trying to figure myself out- but fails. I find myself analyzing my own actions, thoughts, behaviors and try to trace back to the cause and reasons for why what I do what I do. Some are more obvious, more reasonable, more believable...others maybe a bit of a stretch of my vivid overly active imagination.

You always hear the phrase, theres someone out there that understands you better than yourself. Do you think that's true? I do and don't at the same time. Other people that observe you may be able to make conclusions more objectively... but I don't think theres one individual (at least for me) that has been with me through all the various stages of my life.. from childhood life shaping experiences to today. Of course, there are individuals who I can tell almost everything to. I once had a theory that it's good to not be afraid to share everything with at least one other person. I'm not saying- speak all your secrets to one person, but theres probably certain people that you just like conversing with for certain topics.

Do you still follow what I'm trying to say? Cause I don't think I do. I think after this whole big circle I need to conclude with: the more I think I understand, the more I want to deny.. but can you really deny understanding? Can you really deny the truth? Can you really deny your past?

Family

the people you're related to? or the people you can relate to?

Hey everybody, I have been procrastinating like no tomorrow as of late. I just signed on for hopefully the last time until after midterms, or maybe even longer past that. I will stay off for as long as it takes me to catch up and be in control of my life while maintaining a healthy lifestyle with adequate sleep.

Coincidentally, I also noted that this would be my one hundredth note. What a milestone. I feel it is fair for a break now, despite the person that lives diagonally from me's protest.

I love the people on my floor. In a matter of just over a month I feel we have came so far. You guys are like my new family. I call residence home. In fact, I think we all do. Of course, I still love my dearest ones from Toronto (you know who you are).

Otherwise, all you high school peeps, minus the select few (if you're reading this blog post, you're probably on the short list) I can already sense which friendships will endure and persevere through the test of time and distance and which ones merely existed because we happened to see each other everyday. All in all, all that has happened, happened. All's well that ends well. I'm thankful for HCI, but relieved the dramatic high school days are over. Most importantly, I'm glad I chose Queen's.

Now, if I could only manage to not fail out...

You move on from some things

other things, you just never forget.

Hi jw, this post is kinda of just dedicated to you since you've bugged me about posting again. I just didn't really feel like it anymore. Blogging everyday started to feel like a chore, so I asked myself why am a I really do it?

This is the first time I've been home since moving away. I've thought countless times how I miss Queen's. It's weird ey? It's been just a little over a month and already I feel so attached. I look forward to going back.

I think I'm accustomed to writing short, choppy, to the point paragraphs now because of my business communication lab.

Of course, there are things that I will and do miss in Toronto. I've had a very good time seeing and hanging out with some of my best friends. Commencement came and left. It was nice to see all those familiar faces again. It's only been a couple of months and commencement shows which friendships survive or will survive the test of time. I think I know for myself more or less. I sincerely thank my high school, because cliche as it may sound, without the opportunities it gave me I would not be here at Queen's being the person that I am. At the same time, it was a brutal four years from time to time, and I don't mean brutal as in a lot of math homework. All in all, I guess I'm glad I've moved on. I'm glad I've chosen Queen's. I thankful to be around new people and have all these new friends. I already know I will miss my floor at the end of the year and eventually Queen's when I graduate so much more.

So I guess goodbye blog world...until next time.