In Nike's Words

just do it

In the last months or so I feel I have become rather unfocused as a student, unproductive as an individual and plain out scattered as a human being.

It is true. In your senior years you get far less "homework", but you get (major) assessments. They might not necessarily be more difficult, but they do require a fair amount of time investment. Since there are less assessments, each assignment through-out the year accounts to much more of your final grade. I believe this is a big reason why myself, and I believe other students, spend more time and ensure these pieces of work are of better quality. This year I've had two major crunch phases. One was in the last three weeks of January and I've just finished one in these last three weeks. This is when all my seven courses simultaneously announce a buildup of major assessments- unit test, writing briefs, essays, writing folders, etc... The teachers announce the evaluations at around the same time and the assignment due dates are relatively close as well.

These crunch sessions in in essence entails me staying up till the 4-5 in the morning working. For example, in the last 2 weeks I've been up, awake and word processing, at 5am more like 5 times. (I am also not really the type of person to come straight home nap for six hours and them claim proudly, "I've been up all night.") I have a compulsion to put food in my mouth to keep focused and awake as I study so these crunch periods are also characterized as me feeling plain fat. I actually enjoy working between 12-6am at home because it's so quiet and peaceful. I just need to put on virgin radio and I am pretty much content. What have started to annoy me is at about 5:30am when the "Morning Rush" comes on and there's this annoying person that starts the show with: "salute salute." The annoyance probably arises from a combination of the person's obnoxious voice and the fact that I have once again stayed awake long enough to hear the morning show start.

There is no denying the fact that all my courses actually had a major assessment, but I'm sure I could have better managed my time to have avoided staying up till 6am night after night. This recent crunch is taking a fair toll on my physical body and I think the signals my body is giving me is further encouragement to refocus and become organized again to avoid another cramming session. (Oh yeah, today I totally bombed my calculus test- so that I guess is another motivating factor to refocus). So here, by announcing publicly my intentions to refocus I hope it will make myself feel more compelled to follow through. I've told myself to refocus last week, I agreed with myself to refocus the week before that, and I've made agreements to settle down to end the year strong weeks before that, but evidently it didn't really work out. My intentions to exercise and follow a healthier diet (and no, I'm not being the typical teenager by saying I need to lose weight- but this is sincerely for better overall health as recommended by my doctor) have been equally unsuccessful.

This year, I know there has been less academic assessments in terms of quantity and compared to previous years I am less spread out in terms of extra-cirrcular involvement, BUT still I have been so broke in terms of time! It's comprehensible as to where all my time went!! I've even quit my weekend job and I'm busier than before! I'll admit that math homework is consistently demanding, business club takes up a core section of my efforts (though as I reflect I really can't list off that many accomplishments to date) and Super Council takes up a lot of evening hours. I've noticed that I am rarely home before 7. I'm running from quadrant meetings, executive meetings, doctor appointments and just plain staying after school at school to finish club stuff. I guess university application editing also took up a lot of after school time. I guess it's true: the more you have to do the more time you'll make for it.

I have found myself reflecting and longing for the regularity in my school nights in specifically grades 10 and 11. Get home, relax, have dinner and then after dinner I would homework on the cleared dinner table. Homework was more or less a daily 1.5-3 hours. Basically every night I was in bed by 10/11 and fell asleep on the phone with bl. Back then I could actually afford the time to regularly chat on the phone and hang out at other people's houses. Last year, even with Winter Activity Day and the school play, which were very demanding projects and 3 science courses I managed before consistent bedtimes before midnight. Staying up till 2am was rare and now being up at 5am is practically the norm. Especially when preparing for the school play I was home by like 8 almost nightly but everything felt manageable. It wasn't that stressful, especially compared to the definitions of stress from this year and I enjoyed everything I pursued. Nowadays, I am rarely emotionally sober and is losing plain enthusiasm for things that once gave me reasons to get up in the morning. (figuratively speaking?)

I want to go back to sitting down nightly and just completely the nightly homework.

I want to be able to be in bed before midnight.

I want to come home right after school.

I want to enjoy learning again.

I want to be driven to get involved, just for the sake of making a difference.

I want to have had enough sleep to wake up early enough to walk to school.

I want to just come onto the computer for the word processing program.

I want to read books for leisure once again.

I want to have no need to watch what I stuff in my mouth.

I want to not feel like I need to exercise because my clothes are telling me I need to.

I want to remember how it feels to just chill carefree at school with friends.

I want to bring about results- instead of just wishing for all these things.

I want to be able to put myself first, and have a life beyond fulfilling my responsibilities in the school system.

So in short, if you're reading this you are likely a part of my life and I hope you would help me with these goals. I guess I should end with a list of things I want to accomplish and ways you can help me:

1. Stop stuffing my face with unnecessary food out of boredom (especially at night): If you see me eating junk at school tell me to stop. Don't let me resort to fast food. Every time I eat after 9pm rs will receive a can of Arizona as my will power police.

2. Exercise: (I've realized that I need to set SPECIFIC commitments for me to follow through). Morning jog Wednesdays during late open. Saturday morning jog. Nightly repetitions: wl this ones all you...

3. No more late nights: I was going to say something like, "aim to be in bed by midnight" but I guess goals are more achievable when they're more reasonable and realistic. Since I'm up usually completing homework I am going to commit to setting a personal deadline for all my assignments 3 school days earlier than the actual due date. This will help with time management, help avoid late night, well actually it's early a.m cramming, and hopefully improve my overall assignment qualities. Hm...al (and maybe rl) I think you should help me with this one since we're so well aware of each others' academic agendas.

4. Become more efficient with my time: This will require completing tasks faster and avoiding time wasters like moping, browsing the internet, talking excessively on the phone etc... Ha, this will mean less time should be spent blogging! (I have been writing this note for about an hour now). More efficient time use will allow me to slowly start tackling all those other things I want to do in my life. jk this ones for you girl! Scold me for wasting time instead of giving me good reasons to waste my time on!

It's time to take action and get things done instead of thinking of it, dreading it and wishing for more time, that things were different and that this stage of our lives would be over already. If you want to do something, just do it instead of contemplating. Chances are, by the time you're done contemplating you could have completed the original task already.