Sorry, I'm Out of the Office So Please Leave A Message

But really, if I wanted to take your call I would be in the office.

az took a break today! That's right, she took the day off. Technically, not spontaneously deciding to take the day off, but this morning she made the decision to put her herself, more specifically her health as a priority.

Well first she had her appointments. She got driven there, but told the chauffeur she would be okay by herself. I've been going to all my appointments by myself for the longest time. I thought it was normal? Then last week jk had to go to the doctors for her eye infection. She made her parents go with her (sorry for the exposure jk) and that made me wonder: is it normal for me to prefer this kind of independence? My parents offered to go with me, but I told them not to bother and assured them I would be fine by myself. Afterwards, I was reflecting on my appointment and realized I really did prefer being myself today, but then right after the appointment I really wanted to talk to anyone of my friends (but they were all unavailable). So, am I really that independent? I was telling wl about it and he said, "You're an independent person that likes to do things by yourself sometimes." Which I realized is really true. I enjoy my solitude during certain tasks and would hyperventilate if I did not have someone to relate my daily ups and downs with every so often.

I've explained this concept to several people. Having (close) friends is not necessarily about finding someone that you can trust completely. It's not about picking out that one person that will take all your secrets to their grave or stand by your side forever. I don't even know if I ever used those definitions of friends. Well, there's no denying that at one point we've all claimed in high-pitched kiddy voices that we'll be best friends forever. Or, for some of us we have experienced that moment that sings out, "This is it. I've found the one. This will be forever." Well, that first relationship of ours will likely end, BUT don't fret. You will find another person, another relationship and fall in love again.

jk says I'm jaded because I feel like I've seen it, experienced it, once "had" it so I had no desire to put the time investment to go through the whole process again. I guess I did/do have that feeling to some extent, but hey I'm back in the game. It's different each time I think, it's interesting and you learn so much about yourself, the other person, other people in general. Relating, working with and communicating with others is a life long skill to work at.

I'm sure we all have those friends that used to be our Siamese twin, but now you look past them like strangers. You're sitting right beside them and you feel...nothing. Your mind, that once would have been concerned that your friendship is distancing can't even bother with that and is instead thinking of all the other things you could be doing right now. What I'm preaching is that best friends exist in phases. Depending on your stage in life you'll inevitably meet new people and spend more time with certain people. Don't be upset. What you guys had will forever be stored in each other's memories and no matter what you will be a part of that other person's past. Although you may be loyal to a (best) friend for the rest of your life I think it'll be very rare for your friendship to be at that peak eternally. Reflecting, at different ages there were different people that I would consider the person I was closest with. Many of them I don't even talk to (that much) anymore, but I still appreciate them and would not be able to put anyone above anybody else. Some of them I would stop talking to, but then we'll start again and it'll be just like old times or even better than before! They were and ARE unique in thier own ways. I think if you' guys are meant to be your paths will cross again. Until then, the small talk and rare occasions where you guys "catch up" are valuable?

Back to what I wanted to say at the beginning of this paragraph (which I've now turned into multiple paragraphs). What's important is being able to have at least one person that you're able to share all your thoughts with. Or depending on the topic have certain people that you would discuss certain issues with, so that you can just let it out. It'll keep you sane, trust me. The second part of my theory is: It's not about whether those people are trustworthy or not, but knowing and being able to survive and move on in life if they betray you or leave you for any reason. My classic example: If you murdered someone and you told your best friend who was supposed to keep it a secret. If they accidentally let it out what's the worst that could happen? You would go to jail. BUT, you actually did kill someone. You should have went to jail anyways. Most things that you share as secrets is the truth or reality because it already happened or is happening. If you have a problem with other people finding out the truth then really you should put more effort into not doing those things in the first place, not trying to hide it after the fact.

Back to today. So I got to see my heart today! A real 3-D image of my heart pumping. I was getting my echo and was by myself as you already know. My technician was this like 40 year old asian (pardon my language, but fobby) man. So I was in the room myself with him, I was in the those hopsital gown and he said it'll take about 20 minutes and that I should just relax. He turned down off the lights for me. I just had to sit in the waiting area for like an hours and mix that with my flu and I actually fell asleep! I woke up when he asked me to breathe in to get this special angle shoot with the machine. I realized about 20 minutes must have passed, but I couldn't possibly have fell into that deep of a slumber. In the waiting area I was reading the Toronto Star and there was this article about a girl getting drugged, raped and waiting up confused not knowing what happened. That kept stirring in my head for the rest of the scan. The situation I was in..was not ideal, but I won't describe it- don't want you envisioning things now.

I've wrote way too much. I was being pretty productive too. sz needs to download something on my computer so I need to finish this entry. Back to the reason I started blogging. So I was on the phone with wl in the afternoon sharing my morning with him when ph calls in and says, Mr. B wants to talk to you. It was about Business Club! He needed to consult me about one of the projects we're doing right now. I answered his questions, gave my opinion and provided somewhat of a solution. It took maybe 5 minutes. It's not like I really minded the call or giving my input, but they knew I was sick and even said get better soon. This morning al called me and I picked up my phone and opened my mouth to say, "Hello" but no sound came out. I lost my voice! It eventually kind of came in but it was raspy and weak. al couldn't understand me. It was that moment I think that I decided to take the afternoon off to rest. The appointments were in the morning and I could have made it back for the afternoon, but I decided not to. I work so hard and take so much upon myself, but really the world will keep spinning without me. At this age, I should NOT even have the need to think twice about taking a day off because I was "coughing like I had SARS" as ph puts it. So I guess the phone call was kind of ironic. Even on my first "sick day" in who knows how long, they still found a way to find me.

tt I started blogging cause I wanted to tell you about my ironic sick day and it turned into an 1.5hrs blog entry.. oh dear!
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jad·ed

   [jey-did]

–adjective

1.

dulled or satiated by overindulgence: a jaded appetite.

2.

worn out or wearied, as by overwork or overuse.

3.

dissipated: a jaded reprobate.